So, What IS Coaching?

Coaching is not what most people think. 

If your first thought is basketball or soccer when you hear that someone is a coach, you’re not alone! People often ask me what sport I coach.  And while I’ve really enjoyed coaching my kids’ teams, I’m a different type of coach now. And, no, I’m not a Life Coach—though that’s a bit closer.

Truth be told, it’s a little hard to quickly explain what professional coaching is. It’s easier to start with what coaching is not.

So let’s give coaching an old-school “compare and contrast” treatment. (And no, coaching is not the same as teaching.)

Professional coaching is similar to sports coaching, therapy, mentoring, consulting, and, if you’re lucky, talking to certain friends or family. But there are important differences. Let’s dig in.

Sports Coaching

Similar to professional coaching, a sports coach wants to help a player or a team do their best. A good sports coach is engaged and encouraging, focuses on building skills, and knows when to challenge an athlete to grow and improve. A key difference is that the sports coaching relationship is clearly hierarchical. The sports coach is an authority who has the knowledge and skills that the player wants to learn. The sports coach mostly instructs, demonstrates, commands, and directs (and sometimes yells).

In contrast, professional coaching is a relationship of equals partnering to help the client access their own wisdom. The professional coach uses ASKING and LISTENING as opposed to TELLING.

Therapy

Another relationship that people think of when they hear ‘coaching’ is therapy. A good therapist builds trust, and listens with empathy and compassion with the intention to help the client improve. This is exactly the same as coaching. 

A critical difference is that a therapist is trained to treat mental health issues, and is focused on healing trauma, supporting people in crisis, and helping people process difficult life events. Therapy often focuses on the past, while coaching focuses on the present and future.

A professional coach like me does not treat mental health issues, but will suggest adding therapy to your toolbox if you seem to be struggling with mental health stuff. And hey, therapy is for EVERYONE!

In contrast, a professional coach will be by your side to help you identify your purpose, passion, mission, and direction. A coach is a highly observant, curious, insightful partner for you as you set goals for personal growth, see new possibilities for yourself, and unlock your potential.

Mentoring

Mentoring is also not coaching.

A mentor is usually a more experienced leader or expert who has agreed—formally or informally—to share their wisdom, experience, and guidance to somebody early or new in their career. Mentors mostly give advice. 

Similar to a mentor, a professional coach brings all of their knowledge and experience to the coaching relationship. Unlike mentoring, the coaching relationship is one of equals, and assumes that only the client knows the right solution to their problem. The coach helps them surface it.

At this point in your career, you probably don’t want or need advice. You want to be heard. You want the space to set aside all the stress from all the demands and just…think.

Confession:

I used to give a lot of advice. (Sometimes, I still do. But not as a coach.) While training to be a coach, I quickly realized that giving advice was just telling people what to do. People didn’t need my solution to their challenge. Advice just left the clients flat, rather than empowering and energizing them. When clients find their own path forward, they are so relieved and excited. Their confidence gets a major boost, and I get filled with  joy.

Consulting

Consulting is also not coaching. Simply put, consultants tell the client what to do. A professional coach supports the client in finding their own solutions. 

Friends and Family

It’s wonderful if you have a trusted confidante you can tell anything. So why would you need a coach if you already have somebody you can talk through anything and everything with?

The qualities that make these relationships so beautiful and valuable are also the reasons they are not going to serve you well for coaching. These relationships are complicated. You and your confidante both have needs you are looking to the other to meet. You have expectations. You have conflicts. 

And let’s face it, most of us don’t actually have somebody we can tell EVERYTHING to. We hold back due to shame, or not wanting to show weakness or imperfection. It may not be safe to let it all hang out, because the other person may be disappointed in us or want us to do what they think is best. There may be old resentments, disagreements, or outdated conceptions that prevent you from exploring, experimenting, changing, and growing.

Even if your friend or family member is a skilled listener and good at staying neutral, using them as a coach places an unfair burden on them and can strain the relationship over time. 

In contrast to a friend or family member, a coach isn’t trying to protect an existing relationship or get something else out of the conversation. A professional coach listens and supports without preconception or judgement, and is highly skilled in specific dialogue and reflection techniques to help you find your own path.

Phew.

So, what is coaching?

Coaching is a confidential, one-on-one conversation focused on what’s most important to you, the client. There is a contract and commitment on both sides. It’s a partnership.

The coach’s only agenda is to guide and support your growth in the areas you’ve identified for change. Perhaps you want to find yourself again, rediscover your purpose, solve difficult problems at work or in your relationships, or just figure out what to do next.  Whatever you want to focus on, the process is pretty much the same.

As a professional, mindfulness-informed coach, I practice non-judgement, radical acceptance, and active listening, which enables me to ask natural, curious, strategic questions. I pay close attention to what you’re saying—and also what’s going unsaid—and reflect these back to you with my observations and questions.

Over time, coaching can lead to true transformation, which is a rare joy to witness and is a big part of why I love coaching.

In my next post, I’ll share more about the coaching process revealing my secret to sparking ‘AHA’ moments. 

Thanks for reading!

Mark O. Johnson, Bright Cedar Coaching